Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Alzheimer's Researcher Misplaces Alzheimer's Study, Glasses, Lunch

A hastily assembled news conference at the National Institute of Health in Bethesda, Maryland was delayed for almost 90 minutes when the lead Alzheimer's researcher, Dr. Quentin R. Bernstein, admitted he had misplaced the results of the study he was to announce, along with his bifocals and his lunch.

Dr. Bernstein told repeatedly reporters that "it had to be somewhere," and that as soon as he found the results of the landmark longitudinal Alzheimer's study, he would share the information with the assembled media members.

Compounding the situation was the fact that Dr. Bernstein could not locate his bifocals, which made it much harder for him to locate the missing study.

Another missing item was Dr. Bernstein's lunch, which he thought he had put in the refrigerator but turned out to have been left in his car, along with his car keys, cell phone, and wallet.

The missing lunch eventually provided the key to the missing study results, which Dr. Bernstein, reporters learned, had placed in the office refrigerator, along with his tickets to tonight's Washington Nationals baseball game.

When the news conference finally began, Dr. Bernstein, who had to be reminded several times why so many people were looking at him, repeated the news at least six times that Alzheimer's probably led to a loss of memory, according to the results of the new study,

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