Countering Unemployment, Obama To Expand White House Cabinet To 15 Million

In a surprising move to counter unemployment, President-elect Barack Obama today told a hastily assembled Washington, D.C. news conference that he was increasing the size of the Presidential cabinet to 15 million.

"Everybody has expertise in something," Obama told reporters. "Why should we have just 15 people who know about, say, foreign policy or health care? Why not have every unemployed American enjoy a Cabinet-level position in the federal government?"

Obama said that he was modeling his increased Cabinet on a combination of two initiatives of former President Franklin D. Roosevelt.

"FDR was famous for the alphabet soup agencies that got millions of unemployed Americans working again," Obama said. "The CCC, the WPA, and, of course, the military. And then he also had his famous Court-packing scheme, where he tried to add a bunch of new Justices to the Supreme Court.

"I say, let's combine the two plans and invite all unemployed Americans to join the Cabinet as Secretaries of whatever floats their boat. We'll have a Secretary of Soldering Corner Panels Onto Camaros, a Secretary of Realtors, a Secretary of TV Sitcom Writers--up to 15 million Secretaries.

"This way, we'll have access to their knowledge base about their former professions, and we'll be able to pay them Cabinet-level salaries and health care benefits. I think it's a win-win for the nation."

When reporters asked how 15 million unemployed Americans would be able to achieve confirmation in the U.S. Senate in a timely fashion, in keeping with the requirements of the U.S. Constitution, the President-elect offered a terse "No comment."