Report: Iraq Running Out Of Civilians

According to a report on the Saudi Arabian website al-Jarreau.com, Iraq is rapidly running out of civilians, due to suicide bombings, emigration, and the fact that the Iraqi Army and police departments are practically the only remaining employers.

“Our population is exploding, but not in a good way,” Iraqi government spokesman Ali al-Dabbagh told a hastily assembled Baghdad news conference. “At the rate the population is blowing up, we should be down to less than 50,000 civilians before the end of 2009.”

Despite claims of success by American armed forces leaders in reducing violence, increasing numbers of Iraqis are dying in suicide attacks and sectarian fighting.

“If you aren’t blowing up yourself or other people, or getting blown up,” al-Dabbagh told reporters, “you’re probably joining the Iraqi police force. Not that that’s any safer, but at least you get a badge and a gun.

“We used to have many employers, and many Iraqis are self-employed,” al-Dabbagh added. “But today there are no more companies, and no one has any money to buy anything, except for the people who work for Blackwater and Halliburton. And they aren’t even Iraqis. So it’s the police force, the border, or your own funeral.”

Al-Dabbagh said that Iraq had begun a public relations campaign to invite foreign nationals to emigrate, but so far, the campaign was mostly unsuccessful.

“Our slogan is ‘Iraq—There’s More Room Than Ever,’” al-Dabbagh said. “So far, though, the only people who are coming in large numbers are Iranians. They seem to like it here. And once we run out of Iraqis, it’ll be their country. The last Iraqi to leave could turn out the light, except for the fact that we have no power 22 hours a day.

“Suddenly Sadaam Hussein doesn’t seem like that bad a guy. He killed civilians, to be sure, but not as quickly. We would never have run out under him.”