Monday, March 9, 2009

Hillary: Under My Brilliant New Plan, Syria Can Sponsor Only 100 Suicide Bombers Per Year

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton today told Syrian President Bashir al-Assad that under her brilliant new plan, Syria could sponsor up to 100 suicide bombers per year.

“We think that if Syria can keep it under 100 suicide bombers in a 12-month period, we can convince Israel to give back the Golan Heights,” Clinton told a hastily arranged news Damascus news conference.

“If Israel really wants to have peace in the region,” Clinton said, “it has to accept the fact that Syria is going to sponsor terrorism. But if Israel gives up the Golan Heights, then we can probably get Syria to sponsor less terrorism.”

Clinton said that she was “very excited” to go to Israel and present her brilliant new plan to the Israeli government “as soon as they have one.”

“Those Israelis have to be pretty used to people blowing themselves up,” Clinton said. “But if I can get them to accept this peace proposal, then I’m a lock for the Nobel Peace Prize. And it’s only my first 100 days as Secretary of State.”

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