Democratic Vice Presidential candidate Joe Biden admitted to a hastily assembled St. Louis, Missouri news conference that the temptation during the Vice Presidential debate to “nibble on Sarah Palin’s ear” was “so excruciating that I could hardly remember to plagiarize the words of other politicians.”
Biden insisted that he was no “Tyson wanting to bite Evander Holyfield’s ear.” Instead, the longtime Senator told reporters, “I just wanted to take her in my arms, nibble in her ear, and stroke her beautiful hair. Did you see the way she had those bangs over her forehead? I mean, I may be old, but I’m not dead, if you know what I mean.”
Biden had planned to plagiarize from a variety of sources in order to demonstrate his awesome powers of recall and his strident yet inexpressibly smooth delivery. “I was going to steal from Churchill, de la Rochefoucauld, Aesop’s Fables, and Mohammed,” Biden admitted, “but instead I just found myself fantasizing about nibbling on her ear and seeing where that would lead.”
Biden, married for more than 30 years, told reporters that “I have never cheated on my wife and up to this minute I never thought I would. But I found myself fantasizing about winning election so I could send her husband, what’s his name, Skate or Biff or whatever, off on a dangerous fishing mission that would get him killed, and then I would comfort her.”
At the debate, Biden, unable to recall any of the “really killer lines I memorized and tweaked just enough so that no one could look them up on Google,” said he was reduced to simply “muttering ‘Sarah, Sarah, come to me,’ softly enough that neither Gwen Ifill or the microphones could pick it up. I’d vote for her for anything.”
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