Friday, October 3, 2008

Obama, Missing For Weeks, Inspires Homeless To Seek “Spare Change We Can Believe In”

Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama, missing for weeks since his first debate with John McCain, today told a hastily assembled San Francisco news conference that he had gone back to his community organizing roots to encourage homeless people to seek “spare change we can believe in.”

“Frankly, this whole Presidential candidate thing is out of my comfort zone,” Obama told reporters. “I’m not really sure I’m all that into the issues that we’re talking about. The war in Iraq? Gotta end. Everybody knows that. The banking system? They’ll fix it. I’m just not into that big picture stuff. Now, community organizing, that’s something I can sink my teeth into.”

Democratic campaign leaders had become alarmed when Obama, fresh from his moderate success in the debate with McCain, all but vanished for weeks, skipping fundraising events and campaign stops, until he finally surfaced in San Francisco’s South of Market district, washing the feet of the homeless and tending to their wounds.

“I touched the hem of his robe,” longtime homeless person Bob, 73, told the Dissociated Press. “I was healed, and within days I had a job doing computer graphics for a start-up in Petaluma. The really amazing thing is, I’d never touched a computer before.”

“This is more me,” Obama said, as he applied ointment to another in a long line of homeless people that snaked around the block.

“I’m more of a one-on-one, save-the-person kind of guy than a whole big save-the-world vibe. If you see Joe Biden, tell him it’s all his.”

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