Text Of Text Message Sent By Train Engineer Prior to Crash Released: “I M Bout 2 B Hit By Oncoming Train”

The National Transportation Safety Board today released the text of the text message texted by Robert Sanchez, the engineer on board the ill-fated Los Angeles commuter train that crashed last month.

“The text of the text that Sanchez texted,” Emily Groener, a spokeswoman for the NTSB told a hastily assembled Washington, D.C. news conference, “is, and I quote, ‘I M Bout 2 B Hit By Oncoming Train.’”

Groener said that due to automation, driving a commuter train is “so boring that our engineers have permission to make cell phone calls, text, play computer games, and otherwise entertain themselves in a manner that does not put passengers at risk. We still want them to look at the traffic signals, though, and if a signal is red, we want them to stop.”

Sanchez allegedly exchanged text messages with a group of railroad fans who “are just as bored in life as engineers,” Groener said, “which explains the mutual attraction. You’ve got a group of people with no life, other than texting each other, and you’ve got railroad engineers, who are bored out of their minds. It’s like texting was invented just for these people.”

Groener said that the investigation was centering on the question of why Sanchez was able to complete the text and push “Send” given that he had only a few moments to react to the sight of the oncoming train.

“As far as our investigators can tell,” Groener said, “Mr. Sanchez had really quick reflexes to be able to complete and send a text message that quickly. I mean, you’ve really got to have fingers flying over the keyboard to get out a text that long. So we admired his dexterity and everything, which is something you want in a train engineer. Of course, we’d have been even happier if he’d stopped the train. That’s what we’ll be recommending to other engineers facing oncoming trains, in our final report.”