French Gov't Retests Armstrong’s 1999 Urine Sample; Praises “Nutty, Fruity Flavor”

The French government today announced that it had retested the stored 1999 urine sample from 7-time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong and praised it for its “nutty, fruity flavor, with a hint of oak and notes of peppermint.”

Pierre LeBoeuf, chairman of the French Urine Council, told a hastily assembled Paris news conference that the 1999 sample “was by far the most complex and delicious of all of the Armstrong urine samples” and that it would be a “complement to any fine meal.”

LeBoeuf said that he had personally “laid down a case of the ’99, because it is so versatile. You can use it with chicken or fish, or even duck, and it goes extremely well with desserts, too.”

LeBoeuf said that the 1999 version was “far superior” to the samples from 2000 to 2005, “in which you can practically taste the Clif Bars. Armstrong’s diet evidently changed in 2000 from a variety of natural foods, including meats and cheeses, to more synthetic forms of protein. And to be blunt, you can taste the difference.”

Armstrong’s commitment to ride in the 2009 Tour de France “has been a source of great excitement and joy to lovers of fine urine throughout France,” LeBoeuf declared. “We hear that he has been eating recklessly for the past two years, and we expect those intriguing flavors to reveal themselves in early samples.

“We know that Lance’s urine has been very controversial in France,” LeBoeuf admitted. “But in France, opinions about urine, like wine, often reveal more about the person doing the analysis than the substance being examined. If the 2009 vintage is half as good as the 1999, then all of France will rejoice.”