McCain Offers To Leave Race For $150 Million

Declaring “I can compete against one African American legendary figure, like Barack Obama, but not two,” referring to yesterday’s endorsement of Obama by former Secretary of State Colin Powell, Republican Presidential candidate John McCain today offered to leave the race for $150 million.

Obama coincidentally announced yesterday having raised a record $150 million in September.

“He’s gonna spend the money anyway,” McCain said. “And I’m gonna lose whether the campaign goes on or not. So I say, give me the money, I’ll withdraw gracefully and support you, and we’ll have one of those ‘unity government’ things they have in some of the foreign countries out there.”

McCain said that while he had “enjoyed” the Presidential race, the idea of actually “being President” now struck him as “tiring” and he thought he would be better off “just kind of hanging out and resting, you know, at one of our five or six or seven homes, whatever the number might be.”

Asked by reporters whether he considered the $150 million a “bribe” to leave the raise, McCain offered a sharp denial.

“I’m not asking anyone to bribe anyone,” McCain said. “It’s just kind of a, you know, resignation fee. No candidate has ever offered to quit a race before. It’s in keeping with my maverick persona. And this way, I’ll have almost as much money as my wife.”

A spokesman for the Obama campaign told the Dissociated Press that “while the offer was unexpected, to say the least, we’re studying the manner, and we’re wondering if McCain would quit for, say, 75 million instead of the entire 150. But it might be more fun to just spend the money, run the ads, and win the legitimate way. We’ll see.”