“Our families are down to their last trillion dollars,” OPEC spokesman Najib al-Souk told a hastily assembled Dubai news conference. “The collapse of oil prices is hurting the oil producing companies and our neighborhoods and families. We look to our reliable friend George Bush and the U.S. taxpayer to bail us out.”
Oil has dropped to $70 a barrel from its record $144 price and is headed to as low as $50 a gallon, according to oil experts, thus denying oil-producing nations a critical flow of petrodollars.
“Americans who are losing their 1,700 square foot homes can’t understand our pain,” al-Souk told reporters. “We are on the verge of losing 25,000 square meter mansions. Ferraris. Trips to the South of France. We need help before we lose everything.”
OPEC has called for an emergency meeting in Vienna to discuss a cutback in production, to stabilize prices, which may drop to as low as $2.20 a gallon at the pump by year’s end.
“Our future depends on the U.S. taxpayer to bail us out,” al-Souk told reporters. “We are just as much a part of U.S. life as its banks and mortgage lenders. If the government can provide $700 billion for them, what about a few hundred billion for us?”
Al-Souk said that he personally was three months behind on the mortgage for his palatial, 400-room mansion on a 300-acre estate in a suburb of Dubai City.
“If we don’t get help from the American taxpayer,” he said, “either in the form of higher gas prices or a bailout, we stand to lose our entire profligate, wasteful, over-the-top, outrageous way of life. We will no longer have the money to support appropriately selected terrorists. Our children will have to be driven to school in Camrys, not Lamborghinis.
“It’s wrong, it’s cruel, and above all, it’s un-American.”
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