President-Elect Barack Obama today named the Pixar animation figure Wall-E to the position of Secretary of State in his new administration, subject to confirmation by the Senate.
"Wall-E is uniquely able to bring about world peace, communicate with foreign leaders, and bridge the language barrier," Obama told a hastily assembled Chicago, Illinois news conference. "He's going to be our clean-up hitter."
Most observers expected Obama to name Hillary Rodham Clinton (Sen, D-NY) to the post, because of her world travel, ability to overlook bad habits like adultery of political leaders, and large collection of wash-n-wear pantsuits.
"The world loves Wall-E," Obama told reporters. "He received a 97% approval rating on RottenTomatoes.com, which is 43 percentage points higher than Hillary's rating. The people have spoken and they want Wall-E."
Wall-E appeared in the eponymous Pixar film earlier in 2008, in which he saved the world from indolence, sloth, and large piles of trash.
"Wall-E is a lot like me," Obama said. "New on the scene, beloved worldwide, a lover, not a fighter, and his positions on everything are murky. Just the guy I need to represent our nation around the world.
"He's also a consummate collector," Obama added, "which is important, because when you're the Secretary of State you're always getting gifts from foreign leaders. Wall-E has the proven ability to organize and sort large numbers of different types of items."
When asked whether it was appropriate for the United States to be represented abroad by an animatronic figure, Obama replied, "I didn't see anyone objecting to Hillary, and she's about as animatronic as a human being can get."
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