New York City has announced that in addition to renaming the Triborough Bridge after the late Robert F. Kennedy, all roads and crossings will also be renamed after losing Presidential candidates.
"Typically, we name things for winners," New York mayor Michael R. Bloomberg told a hastily assembled Gracie Mansion news conference. "We renamed the Triborough for RFK, which we think is a beautiful gesture. But why stop there? Why not name everything after people who lost?"
Mayor Bloomberg said that the George Washington Bridge will be renamed for Walter Mondale, the West Side Highway for John Kerry, and the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge will be named for Bob Dole. Other roadways and crossings will be renamed "as soon as our painting and signage crews can get to them."
"We know that some people will still call the John McCain Tunnel the Queens-Midtown Tunnel," the Mayor allowed. "And that some won't call the Cross-Bronx Expressway by its new name, the Mario Cuomo. It takes time for these kinds of changes to stick. Again, why should winners get all the glory?"
Mayor Bloomberg said that after this round of changes takes effect, "We will be renaming the Queensborough Bridge, also known as the 59th Street Bridge, 'The Governor Sarah Palin Bridge To Nowhere."
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