"Other candidates merely travel nonstop between appearances in the final days of a Presidential campaign," Democratic Vice Presidential candidate Joe Biden told a hastily assembled Peoria, Illinois news conference. "I'm gonna talk nonstop between now and Tuesday night."
Biden's unprecedented pledge would mean that "There will be something for every voter coming out of my mouth," he said. "Some people like stuff that makes sense. Some people like crazy assertions not grounded in any kind of reality. Other people like Dr. Seuss-like rhymes. I promise to keep talking and thus satisfy the expectations of every voter in every state."
Biden said he expected to speak at a rate of "100 words per minute, which is 6,000 words an hour, or 432,000 words between now and when the polls close Tuesday on the West Coast. This torrent of political jargon is sure to please everyone in the nation, which is what I like to do, anyway."
In the event that he ran out of original things to say, Biden said, he would "read out loud the phone book, or Ulysses, or the collected speeches of Neil Kinnock for political junkies feeling nostalgic for the 1980s. On behalf of Barack Obama, I shall not be still."
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1 comment:
My, but you've been busy today. Good stuff.
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