Cheney's Memoirs Prove Bush's Stupidity "Because He Listened To Me"

Former Vice President Dick Cheney told a hastily assembled Washington, D.C. news conference that his memoirs will prove former President Bush's "stupidity," because Bush listened to Cheney and "did everything I said."

"The President was an empty vessel that darker forces, including myself, manipulated with ease," Cheney told reporters. "My Svengali-like control was so complete I could have had him invading Florida if I so desired."

Cheney said that Bush was "smart enough to smile at the right camera, but otherwise, very easily led. He knew he was in over his head when we got him elected President. So he relied on his father's advisors. He was in awe of us, so we got to do anything we wanted. I could have had my way with Laura, had I so chose."

Cheney denied reports that he had actually told the President to invade Iran and not Iraq. "The guy isn't a great speller," the former Vice President said. "But I would never have let him invade a country where Halliburton couldn't have played a major role in reconstruction."

Cheney said that had the war in Iraq gone better, he would have had the President invade Nigeria "on some flimsy pretext or other," to destroy that country's infrastructure to create more contracts for Halliburton.

"I felt like a cross between Svengali and that Jedi mind control thing on Star Wars," Cheney admitted. "It was the happiest time of my life."