Saturday, August 29, 2009

Lockerbie Bomber Says Prison Was Okay, Except For The Haggis

Convicted and released Lockerbie bomber Abdel Baset al-Megrahi told a hastily assembled Tripoli news conference that he was grateful to his Scottish captors for releasing him because he was "sick not of imprisonment but of haggis."

Al-Megrahi said that the steady diet of haggis, Scotland's traditional dish made of sheep's lung, had contributed to his terminal illness and that he would not have minded staying in prison if it were not for the dish.

"Haggis for breakfast, haggis for lunch, haggis for dinner," al-Megrahi told reporters. "I liked the Scottish people I met including my prison guards, the golfers I met, the people who sang that song about 'O Flower of Scotland.' Very beautiful. But that haggis completely ruined my system. I petitioned for corn flakes, but all I could get was haggis, haggis, haggis."

Al-Megrahi said that his sole regret in life was that he did not bring down a jumbo jet over northern Italy.

"Fettucini, risotto, polenta, calimari," al-Megrahi told reporters in a dreamy tone of voice. "Anybody got an Alitalia schedule?"

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