On the eve of the upcoming NFL season, the New England Patriots have traded quarterback Tom Brady's wife, supermodel Gisele Bundchen, to the Dallas Cowboys for quarterback Tony Romo's girlfriend, model/actress/whatever Jessica Simpson, plus two third round draft choices in the 2011 draft.
"We think that Simpson can shake up our offense," Patriots coach Bill Belichick told a hastily assembled Foxboro news conference. "Since his injury, [Tom] Brady has been spending too long in the pocket. We think the addition of Simpson will increase his lateral mobility."
Belichick said that Jerry Jones was "more than eager" to accept Bundchen in exchange for Simpson and the draft choices, because "Jerry said he still blames Simpson for distracting Romo from the playoffs a couple of years back. Jerry also says that Bundchen is the only quarterback girlfriend in the NFL whose legs are long enough to stretch across that big new scoreboard of his."
When asked whether Simpson's long mane of blonde hair, leggy supermodel body, and "come hither eyes" would distract the Patriots from their mission of returning to the Super Bowl, he replied, "I'd rather look at her across the field than Plaxico Burress, and I think I'm speaking for most if not all of the team when I say that."
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