Caroline Kennedy: I’m Entitled To NY Senate Seat Because I’m Entitled, Period

Caroline Kennedy, daughter of slain President John F. Kennedy, today told a hastily assembled Manhattan news conference that she would seek the U.S. Senate seat currently held by Hillary Rodham Clinton because she is “entitled to it, or anything I want.”

Ms. Kennedy, who has never held elective office, based her qualifications for the Senate seat on her “enormous wealth, name recognition, and the fact that ordinary people have no right to ask for something if someone like me asks for it first.”

Ms. Kennedy spoke at this year’s Democratic National Convention because she was not “tied to the discredited tax-and-spend policies of other Democrats, including John Kerry, George McGovern, Walter Mondale, Michael Dukakis, and of course my uncle Teddy. They really had no one else left to speak, so they picked me.”

The sister of the late John F. Kennedy, Jr. has had no experience with electoral politics but said she is “perfect for the job because the election of Barack Obama shows that qualifications are no longer necessary. All you have to do is inspire people, and the Kennedy aura is still perceived as highly inspirational, especially among members of my own extended family.”

Ms. Kennedy said that if she is chosen as Senator, she will “bring touch football back to the White House, promote excessive drinking among young people, preside over a collapse of morality, find the late Jimmy Hoffa and send him to prison, and do everything else my father and my uncles would have done if given the chance.”

When a reporter asked whether the Senate seat should perhaps go to a more qualified candidate, one who has been working in public life throughout his or her career, and one who has earned the respect and gratitude of New Yorkers of all political stripes, Ms. Kennedy replied, “You must be kidding. Next question.”