Troops In Iraq Thank Bush Personally For “Violent, Unnecessary War”

“We’re very grateful to our Commander-in-Chief,” Army PFC Charles Dogren told a hastily assembled Mosul, Iraq news conference, “for getting us into this violent, unnecessary war that allows us to demonstrate to the world that the American way of life is number one.”

Dogren said that he and his fellow soldiers “bore no grudge” against President Bush for “stretching the military to the breaking point, putting us in harm’s way for no discernable purpose, getting 4,000 of us killed, and essentially destroying Iraq for the economic benefit of the untrustworthy regime in Teheran.

Dogren added that most members of the military with whom he had spoken “had no ill will” against the President for “sending us out to face IEDs without adequate body armor, keeping us in danger long after any discernable reason for maintaining the war existed, and years after the initial motivations of links between Sadaam and Al Qaeda, or the existence of weapons of mass destruction had been utterly discredited.”

PFC Dogren also insisted that “The President was far too wise a leader to be blinded by a combination of bloodthirsty neocons blinded by a shamelessly greedy Ahmad Chalabi, alongside a vice president shilling not only for his former employer, Halliburton, but in effect for every company that stood to make billions from this brutal, horrible war.”

“He must have had some good reason for exposing all to loss of life, limbs, mental illness, and PTSD, PFC Dogren reasoned. “I mean, it would be really hard to take if this whole war were for no reason other than the ones I’ve just outlined. That would be devastating. President Bush has to be smarter than that.”