Using Little-Known Loophole, Yankees’ 2009 Roster To Exceed 300 Players

Taking advantage of a little-known loophole in Baseball’s Official Rules, the New York Yankees have announced that their 2009 major league roster will contain at least 300 players.

“I like our chances,” Yankee owner Hank Steinbrenner told a hastily assembled Tampa, Florida news conference. “We have Sabathia, Teixeira, and all the guys coming back from last year. Plus another 270 or 280 players.”

Steinbrenner pointed to Rule 17.3.5 of the Official Rules Of Major League Baseball, which states, in pertinent part, “Any club, concerned that a player may have to be placed on the disabled list, may add to the roster in a provisional manner any other player.”

“We believe this gives us the right to sign and keep on the Yankees’ major league roster 300 players,” Steinbrenner told reporters. “After all, any player could get hurt at any time. And the Rules are silent as to what ‘provisional manner’ means. We say, it means we can have 300 players. And we will.”

Steinbrenner said that the Yankees’ player salaries will “surpass the $1 billion threshold,” which will have a “powerful effect on the price of beer, parking, and tickets, but otherwise will be absorbed by the club.”

The average seat at the new Yankee Stadium will cost approximately $11,000, Steinbrenner said, “although games with quality teams like the Red Sox and the Rays will naturally cost more. But we believe our fans will not be deterred.”

Beer will cost $850 per 16 ounce cup, Steinbrenner said, and parking will cost “$2,000 to $3,000 per car per game, depending on how close you want to be to the Stadium and how lucky you feel about not getting attacked in a distant parking field after a night game.”

The Yankees’ dugout will be extended the length of the field, Steinbrenner said, to accommodate the 200 position players on the 2009 roster, and the bullpen will extend “to the Yonkers line” in order to make room for the approximately 100 pitchers the team will carry north from spring training.

“We want to do everything possible to guarantee our loyal fans a World Series victory,” Steinbrenner said. “If it means signing every available player, in this country, in Korea, in Japan, in Mexico, and in the Dominican, so be it. Our fans deserve nothing less.”