Obama To Require Each Taxpayer To Adopt 10 Families And An Industry

President-elect Barack Obama today unveiled his new plan to save the economy, requiring each taxpayer to adopt 10 families and an industry, at a hastily assembled Washington, D.C. news conference.

“If you have a job, you’re fortunate,” Obama told reporters. “But lots of other American families don’t. So we’re going to require you to adopt 10 families with people who don’t have jobs. And an industry.”

Obama said that by “pooling resources in this manner, we have the greatest chance to make things right. You can call it compassionate socialism or social compassionism. But whatever you call it, if we share the wealth, we’ll all come out ahead.”

Part of the plan, the President-elect said, is to save many industries by requiring taxpayers to adopt them in order to keep them from bankruptcy.

“Over 27% of working Americans are in better shape than G.M.,” Obama said. “If you go to the White House website, you can select the industry you want to adopt. And then you’ll sleep better, because you know that your tax dollars are saving hundreds of thousands of jobs.”

When asked how taxpayers would be able to afford to adopt 10 non-working families while at the same time bailing out an entire industry and still supporting their own families, the President-elect offered a terse “No comment.”