Israeli Air Force Jets Attacking Gaza Pull “Vote Likud!” Banners

The hundreds of Israeli Air Force jets scrambled Saturday morning to attack political and military targets in Gaza were all equipped with large, white and blue banners proclaiming, “Vote Likud!”, according to reports.

Air Force Major General Tzvi Shalmach told a hastily assembled Tel Aviv news conference that “there was no political message intended by the banners, which were simply expressing the personal views of the pilots in the upcoming Februrary elections.”

Shalmach said that after the surprise attack, which began at approximately 10:15 a.m. Israel time, the jets streaked at fairly low speed across the shoreline, flying low enough to that Israelis from Ashkelon to Acco could read the messages on their weekly day of rest.

“The Air Force as a whole is not a political entity and does not carry signs for one party or another,” Shalmach insisted. “Of course, it was quite a coincidence that every single pilot and every single co-pilot of every single fighter jet felt the same way, which is the same way the leadership of the Israel Defense Forces feel, were we to make our position public, which we would not.”

The attacks on Gaza were in response to increasing rocket attacks on civilian communities in Israeli areas ringing Gaza, after a six-month Hamas-Israel ceasefire ended last week.

“They must learn that Israel will protect its people,” Shalmach told reporters. “In addition, I think the spectacle of beautiful, bold blue Likud banners flying from the backs of our supersonic jet fighters is something that excites the heart of every Israeli, and should have some influence on the way the vote goes in the February election.”

The pilots dropped tens of thousands of Likud flyers, candidate portraits, plastic hammers you can whack your friend with that say “Likud Is Smashing” in Hebrew and English, and Chanukah chocolate for the children with Bibi Netanyahu’s face in the place of Judah Maccabee.

“It’s a beautiful day for Israel,” Shalmach, “when our pilots not only act honorably in battle but carry an inspiring political message as well. Okay, I’ll tell you the truth. It was my idea, not the pilots’. But I think it worked very nicely.”

Shalmach told reporters that more attacks, and more banners, would likely follow, “depending on what happens in the polls.”