Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Obama Admits He Doesn't Know What The Hell He's Doing

President Barack Obama today admitted to a hastily assembled West Wing news conference that "I don't know what the hell I'm doing" but that "I expect that somehow things will work out all right."

Obama told reporters he watched footage of Hillary Clinton "hanging out in Asia and for a minute I was envious. She doesn't have to solve the economy, health care, or the war in Iraq. If anything goes wrong, she can just blame me. She's got a much better deal than I have."

Obama also said that Vice President Joe Biden "has a big mouth, but not everything he says is complete nonsense or plagiarism. Who knows if this whole stimulus deal will work? Socialism doesn't exactly have a stellar track record."

The President said he was "saddened" by the continuing collapse of the stock market since he took office. "Can't they control that thing?" he asked reporters. "Does anyone realize what happened to the value of my IRA? I may just have to write another book just to make up for what we've lost."

Obama said that he would announce plans to resolve health care, the War in Iraq, the environment, and the Middle East, "but to be honest, I don't know what the hell I'm doing with any of those topics, either."

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