Yankees star Alex Rodriguez today told a hastily assembled closed-door players only meeting that he would "only juice during the postseason, when my numbers have been really bad."
A-Rod told his teammates at Steinbrenner Field in Tampa that he was "sorry" that he had cycled off steroids during August and September, when testing is most frequent, and that he would now start cycling "after Labor Day, so we can win the Big One."
A-Rod insisted that his cousin, "Agujas," Spanish for "Needles," would continue to inject him with "Whatever he has lying around the house. Horse steroids, botox, anything to make me play better."
The controversial third baseman reportedly told his teammates that thanks to the Players Union, he would "never be tested until maybe December," by which time the Yankees would have been crowned World Champions for the 27th time.
"I love my teammates so much I will take it up the butt from my cousin twice a week forever if it helps us win," Rodriguez reportedly said, and then he quickly qualified his words to mean that he would accept steroid injections and nothing else in that part of his All-Star anatomy.
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