Saturday, February 28, 2009

Facebook Defends Right To Know Absolutely Everything, And I Mean Everything, About Its Members

Facebook has a right to know absolutely everything about its members, even information its members do not choose to place online, a spokesman told a hastily assembled Chicago, Illinois news conference.

"Our user agreement has a special provision," Facebook spokesman Arnold Greengrocer told reporters, "that gives us permission to follow our members through the GPS tracking systems in their cell phones and cars. We're seeing who is hanging out with whom, and where, and we're posting it on our site."

Greengrocer said that members "who have nothing to hide have nothing to worry about. For example, if you're married, and we determine that your cell phone and your wife's cell phone are at the same coordinates, and we post that information, you shouldn't be concerned. But if you're having an affair, you should expect that we will post that information, including when and where and how long you are together."

Greengrocer said that the purpose of the GPS search feature was to "help people recognize that they need to live their lives in a more moral, upright fashion. If you live your life so that you don't have to worry about what appears on Facebook, then you'll be okay. If not, well, nobody forced you to post your stuff on our site, and no one forced you to sign our terms of service.

"Did we mention that we will keep this information forever?" Greengrocer added. "By the way, if you miss your regular AA meeting, we'll post that, too. Our new slogan: 'Facebook. Because we can.'"

No comments: