Obama Puts Unemployed Contractors To Work Dismantling Foreclosed Shopping Centers, Big Box Stores

President Obama today signed Presidential Order 82351, creating a jobs program for building contractors who have lost their jobs due to the collapse of the housing market. The contractors will be paid to tear down what the President turned foreclosed shopping malls, big box stores, and other examples of “the overbuilding of America.”

“There are just way too many stores, shopping malls, big box stores, and other commercial real estate projects destroying the landscape,” President Obama told a hastily assembled Rose Garden news conference. “And at the same time, we have millions of unemployed contractors, electricians, carpenters, and other workers.

“So by this Executive Order,” Obama said, “I have created 2.3 million government jobs for those people to tear down the unnecessary stores, malls, and other blights on the landscape, and restore those locations to their original pristine nature, or just empty lots, or whatever they were before they were built on.”

Obama said that the program, which would cost “approximately half a billion dollars,” was a “down payment” on the “re-greening of America. Our nation has too many stores, not enough shoppers, and too many builders out of work. So let’s tear these stores down and create some new green spaces and parks.

“Can we tear down all these stores in a somewhat socialistic yet environmentally acceptable fashion?” the President asked rhetorically. “Yes, we can.”