Biden: I Can Be Just As Big-Mouthed As McCain

"John McCain does not hold the copyright on saying pointless inane things, shooting from the hip, and embarrassing himself and his entire campaign," Vice Presidential candidate Joe Biden told a hastily assembled Washington, D.C. news conference. "I can be just as empty-headed as he can be. Maybe even emptier."

Biden challenged McCain to an unusual debate in which a Vice Presidential candidate would compete with a Presidential candidate in front of a live audience to see who could be more off-the-wall, irrelevant, and thoroughly absurd.

"Let the most pointless man win," Biden said.

Earlier, Biden told a Washington press conference that it was "patriotic" to pay taxes, which led to McCain retorting that Biden was claiming that poor people were 'un-American, because they don't pay as much in taxes as wealthy people."

This led to Biden telling audiences that McCain was "dumb as a post" because everybody knows rich people pay less in taxes "because they can hire accountants to reduce their tax bills, and poor people can't."

This led to McCain telling reporters that Biden was "a blockhead and a knucklehead all in one" because everybody knows that poor people don't need accountants because they don't file because they don't make enough income to file."

This led to Biden telling audiences that McCain was "a scoundrel and blackguard" because "everybody knows that even if you don't make a lot of money, they still take out taxes at your job, and if you're poor, you'll probably get a refund or a tax credit or something like that."

This led to McCain telling friends that Biden was "only opening his mouth to change feet" because "if the poor are going to inherit the earth, which the Bible tells us they will, they'll need accountants to handle the probate taxes when whoever owns the earth dies."

After the exchange of criticism, the two old friends had lunch, while the banking system nearly collapsed, mainly because everybody was saying things equally as dumb as the two of them.