Three Americans With Initials “A.I.G.” Also Seek Federal Bailouts

Three Americans whose initials are A.I.G. told a hastily assembled Livonia, Michigan news conference that they, like insurance giant AIG, were in need of federal bailouts but needed far less than $85 billion in loan guarantees in order to avoid bankruptcy and foreclosure.

Alvin Irving Grossman, Arlene Iris Gluck, and Arnoldo Ignazio Guerrero, Livonia residents who have lost their jobs at General Motors in the past six months and are deeply in debt and behind on their mortgages, told reporters that they needed only a total of $85,000 in order to get current “and have a little left over, just in case.”

The three Livonia residents said that they “sympathized” with the plight of AIG, which received a $85 billion federal bailout.

“I have a home-based business,” Ms. Gluck, spokesperson for the group, told reporters. “So I understand how hard it can be to make ends meet. I use QuickBooks, which shows how you can have a lot of red ink even though you’re working really hard. So I understand that AIG is having a tough time in today’s economy.

“But our three families—we’re all neighbors, at least until we get foreclosed on—don’t need anything like that kind of money. I mean, we’re all about $25,000 or $30,000 each behind on our mortgages and credit cards. We’re speaking out because we’re hoping that the federal government can afford an extra $85,000 on top of the $85 billion that AIG needs.”

Reporters pointed out that the U.S. Treasury Department considered AIG, the insurance giant, “too big to fail” and therefore worthy of federal largesse.

“Individually,” Ms. Gluck said, “we’re none of us ‘too big to fail.’ We’re just little A.I.G.’s, not the big AIG. But we’re not the ones who destroyed the mortgage industry. All we did was take out mortgages on our houses. But if enough of us fail, there won’t be $85 billion left over for AIG.

“It just seems a little strange to us that the people who caused the crisis get bailed out,” Ms. Gluck concluded, “and the people who bought the houses and lost their jobs got left holding the bag. I’m sure the Bush Administration has a very good explanation, though, which is why we’ll all be voting for McCain.”