Palin To Have Daughter's Fiance Shot, Stuffed, Mounted In Alaska State House

Alaska Governor Sarah Palin told a hastily assembled St. Paul, Minnesota news conference today that she was opening a three-week "Levi Johnston hunting season" and that all Alaskan males named Levi Johnston were considered "legitimate targets."

Anyone who bagged a Levi Johnson, the Governor said, was invited to have the carcass shipped at the State's expense to the State House, where government taxidermists would dress, stuff and mount the carcass over Governor Palin's desk, also at state expense.

The limit for bagging Levi Johnstons is one per hunter, the Governor said.

"Our concern with Levi Johnstons in the State of Alaska," the Governor told reporters, "is that they are breeding at an alarmng rate, and that their partners are often young and immature. This will eventually be a problem for all Alaskans, especially me."

When asked about the fact that Levi Johnston, the species for which the Governor had declared a special hunting season, was also the name of her daughter Bristol, Gov. Palin replied that this was "an intriguing coincidence, but nothing more."

The Governor explained that Alaskans typically resorted to strategic reducing of populations of various species "when they were overbreeding or breeding out of season. And every bit of any Levi Johnston taken by hunters will be used in its entirety, mostly for dog food, although we will mount the head in my office.

"The head will remind me of my mission, to bring traditional family values to every family in America, including, eventually, mine."