Obama Quietly Slips Resume, Writing Samples To McCain Campaign

Telling reporters at a hastily arranged Washington, D.C. news conference “I know when I’m licked,” Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama today quietly slipped his resume and some writing samples to the McCain Presidential campaign, in hopes of getting some work with the McCain Administration.

“I can beat the old guy, no problem,” Obama said, as he left the offices of the Republican National Committee. “But that woman from Alaska? She’s got my number. I have no shot. I’m LeBron, baby, but she’s Michael Jordan.”

Obama said he watched the speech that Alaska Governor Sarah Palin “in a bar, where I can usually catch the White Sox on satellite” and that Palin’s repeated barbs, professional demeanor, and casting of the Democratic candidate as elite and out of touch “made me choke on my penne with arugala.”

Obama said that “while I’ve been attacked by politicians my whole professional career, there was something different about her speech. It was like being attacked by a combination of a pit bull and Hank’s wife Peggy on King of the Hill.

“I mean, you can defend yourself against a regular politician, like a McCain or a Hillary. But this is like being shushed to death by a librarian. You’ve got no comeback.

“I know when I’m beaten. So I’m handing in my resume right now, before the bandwagon takes off without me. Those people will be running the country come January.”

Obama told reporters that “I’m glad I still have a few years to go on my Senate term, because I just went from hero to zero with the American people. It’s kind of ironic. I beat Hillary, but she opened the door for Palin, who’s going to beat me like a drum. Maybe they can put me in the Cabinet as a show of bipartisanship. That’s why I’m here dropping off my resume.

“I thought I made the best speech in 20 years,” Obama concluded. “But she was Jesse Jackson, Mario Cuomo, and Ronald Reagan put together. She’s a one-woman Dream Team. Too bad they don’t give silver medals for coming in second in Presidential elections. Maybe in 16 years, after his two terms and her two terms, I can try again.”