The Pakistani government today admitted that while seeking to identify, arrest, and kill insurgents headed for combat in Afghanistan, it accidentally killed more than 100 militants instead.
“We are deeply sorry for our tragic error,” Pakistani government spokesman Ali al-Faraj told reporters at a hastily assembled Peshawar news conference. “The militants we killed were disguised as insurgents. It is a mistake anyone could have made.”
Since the Afghanistan War took a new, more violent turn this summer, it has become harder for Pakistani freedom fighters to distinguish militants from insurgents “because they all dress alike and quite frankly they all need a shave.”
U.S. military commanders have experienced the same confusion, according to reports.
“One man’s militant is another man’s revolutionary guerrilla,” Lt. Col. David Nicolson told the Dissociated Press. “We’re proposing to the United Nations that people where different color robes or headbands or something, so everybody can recognize everyone else.”
Mr. Al-Faraj, the Pakistani spokesman, agreed with Lt. Col. Nicolson’s assessment. “We are seeking to kill the militants who threaten the fragile peace in the region,” al-Faraj told reporters. “But we find that the fanatics who support the insurgents are disguising many of the terrorists as partisans and members of the resistance.
“In addition,” al-Faraj lamented, “the revolutionaries have often kidnapped the fanatics, dressed them as insurgents, and ordered them to fight as guerrillas or members of the opposition. It’s gotten to the point that many of us have forgotten why we are fighting, or who we are fighting, or what the goal is.
“So our solution is just, let’s just kill everyone in sight and let George Bush sort them all out.”
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