At a lunch meeting with former President Bill Clinton, who offered to do “whatever I’m asked” for the suddenly struggling Obama Presidential campaign, Barack Obama instructed Clinton to “stay the hell away” because “things are bad enough.”
“I’m in deep enough [trouble] as it is,” Obama told reporters at a hastily assembled Manhattan news conference, after emerging from Clinton’s Harlem offices. “I’ve got Palin breathing life into an exhausted McCain. My fundraising’s down. My polling is down. The last thing I need is Bill Clinton calling attention to how great he is and how weak I am.”
Obama said that he had postponed meeting Clinton “for as long as humanly possible, because he’s everything I’m not—instinctively in sync with the American populace. If he’d been running against Hillary in the primaries this year, the thing would have been over by Super Tuesday last February.”
Obama stressed that he “personally admired” the former President, except for his “whole thing about him chasing fat chicks around the Oval Office, selling pardons to total tax felons, not killing bin Ladin when he had the chance, and selling out the entire manufacturing base of this country to China for forty pieces of silver. Otherwise, I love the guy.”
For his part, Clinton remained “pleased” with the meeting with the Presidential candidate. “Frankly,” Clinton told reporters, “if it weren’t for Obama, I’d be stuck in that goddamned White House for another eight years. Cheeseburgers up the wazoo, but they’d never let me be alone with an intern long enough for me to say, ‘Nice dress!’
“So I’m grateful to him for that,” Clinton added. “But man, I love to campaign. I even promised Barack I’d talk about him and not just me, but no dice. I’m glad I only had to run against George H.W. Bush and not Sarah Palin. Man, I feel Obama’s pain.”
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