Sunday, September 28, 2008

Senators Delay Vote On Bailout Until Banks Give Them Permission To Vote

The U.S. Senate has postponed its vote on the $700 billion bank bailout bill until Wednesday, by which time the banks, who are among the Senate's primary donors, will have read the bill and told them which way to vote.

"We can't vote on the bailout until our donors has given us their comments," New York Senator Charles Schumer told a hastily assembled Washington, D.C. news conference. "It would be un-American."

Schumer, like many other members of the Senate, receives millions of dollars each year in contributions from the banking industry and feels what he calls a "special responsiblity" to ensure that the bill "is exactly what our donors would like."

Schumer told reporters that in America, "you get all the democracy you can afford, and the banks, which have spread money like water around the Senate for decades, can afford a whole lot."

When reporters asked Schumer if he thought it was fair that the same people who caused the crisis were receiving government aid in the form of the massive bailout, he replied, "We just have to give them another chance. Everybody makes mistakes."

Schumer told reporters that "as soon as homeowners start giving us even a small fraction of the amount of money we receive from banks, then we'll start giving them due consideration as well."

Schumer said that bailing out homeowners who had been sold irresponsible loans "would only enable them, and they would just end up wasting the money we give them on food, clothing, and shelter for their families. Bankers, on the other hand, take us on golf junkets and buy us condos. What has the average American done for the Senate lately?

"It makes a mockery of JFK's words about asking not what the government can do for you, but instead ask what you can do for the government."

Schumer said that "as soon as the bankers' lawyers sign off on the bill, we'll pass it. Of course, we like the lawyers a whole lot, too, and if they ever need a bailout for any reason, all they have to do is ask."

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