Palin Allows McCain To Stay Up Past Bedtime To Attend Own Speech

Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin today allowed Republican Presidential candidate John McCain to stay up past his normal bedtime and attend his own acceptance speech at the Republican National Convention in St. Paul, Minnesota.

"He took a nap," Palin told reporters at a hastily arranged news conference. "And he promised he would give his speech, wave and smile and stuff, and then go right back to his hotel room and go to bed."

Palin and other Republican leaders have expressed "concern" that McCain might not get enough sleep during the campaign and might begin to "express himself freely," a situation that most Republican leaders find more terrifying than unbalanced budgets.

"The less he sleeps," Palin admitted, "the more he talks, and the more he talks, the less we sleep."

Originally, Palin said, the Republicans had intended to use for the acceptance speech an animatronic version of McCain built by Disney. But the brain of the animatronic version, similar to the Abraham Lincoln talking robot on display until recently at Disneyland, was built too similarly to McCain's brain and tended to spout off, go off target, and otherwise create havoc for his handlers.

"He promised he would eat all his vegetables," Palin said, "and we figured that if he got enough healthy carbs, he'd be all right. He started to nod off a few times during his own speech, but people thought he was just nodding in agreement with the audience.

"This is the last evening speech he'll give in the campaign, and you'll see us at restaurants getting the early bird special. Because that's as late as he can stay up."