Survey: 87% Of American Males Wish Sarah Palin Would “Whip Off Her Glasses and Swish Her Hair Down Just Once”

A CNN/Men’s Health/FHM/Utne Reader survey today indicated that 87% of American males age 17 to 83 wish that Republican Vice Presidential Candidate Sarah Palin would whip off her glasses and swish her down just once, according to published reports.

“Palin looks like the librarian or schoolmarm who knows a really naughty secret,” survey spokesman Mark Kemalman told a hastily assembled Milwaukee, Wisconsin news conference. “She taps not just into the political zeitgeist but into the desire that almost nine out of 10 men have, which is that a woman who seemed moderately attractive would turn out to be unbelievably attractive and suddenly demonstrate burning sexuality and shocking passion.

“She is the archetypal woman in the beer ad,” Kemalman told reporters, “but with an unapproachable nature that says ‘I know how much you want me, but you’ll never get me, because I am married, religious, and live thousands of miles from you in a cold, dark climate.’ That’s an intense turn-on for 68% of the men we surveyed.”

An additional survey question indicated that Governor Palin’s husband, a commercial fisherman, is “10 or 20 times smarter than Albert Einstein, Galileo, and Karl Rove put together” in the eyes of 91% of American males age 19 to 57.

“The men we surveyed suggested that he had the perfect the life—an incredibly smoking hot wife with a job, allowing him plenty of time to go fishing and stuff,” Kemalman said. “The only shortcoming is the Alaska thing, because you don’t have a lot of nice weather. But 94% of the men we surveyed agreed that if they were married to Sarah Palin, the longer it stayed dark outside, the happier they would be.”

In related news, New York Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton announced that she would be putting her entire wardrobe of pantsuits on eBay, including the bright orange one she wore at the Democratic National Convention, and that she would be getting herself fitted for eyeglasses over the weekend, even though her vision is still 20-20.