CNN Poll: 37% of Americans Believe Democrats Nominating Wolf Blitzer

A CNN/YouTube/Wikipedia/HustlerMagazine poll taken immediately after the first night of the Democratic Convention revealed that 37% of Americans who actually sat through the five-hour snoozefest believe that the Democratic Party is nominating Wolf Blitzer for President.

"We're a little disappointed with the organization of the Convention so far," CNN spokesman Miles Houlighan told a hastily assembled Denver news conference. "Basically, we had 20 minutes of Teddy Kennedy--that's something new and exciting. Not. And then we had Michelle, of course. But the rest of the night was hardly Must See TV."

Houlihan said that virtually all of the attempts to interview delegates turned into poor television as well.

"How many times can people say that they're supporting Obama because 'He's cool'?" Houlihan asked rhetorically. "If all they care about is cool, why don't they just go all the way and nominate George Clooney or Kevin Costner?"

Houlighan said that the CNN anchor team spent so much time on the air making things up to talk about that many viewers became confused; more than one third actually believe that Wolf Blitzer, not Barack Obama, is going to be nominated Wednesday night.

"People just saw our talking heads all evening long," Houlighan said. "I can understand their confusion. And coming one night after that incredible closing ceremony in Beijing, the incredibly dull evening of speeches the Democrats put together really put us in a ratings hole."

Houlihan told reporters that he wasn't sure who in the Democratic Party had the idea of "tying Obama to the tax-and-spend, ultraliberal, morally bankrupt Kennedys. You'd almost think that whoever was in charge of the Convention deliberately wants to hurt Obama's cause."

When asked whether wire reports that Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton had "orchestrated" the incredibly dull evening and that she had "pushed for" the lengthy Kennedy love-in as a means of discrediting Sen. Obama in the eyes of mainstream America, Houlihan issued a terse "no comment."