Sen. Barack Obama revealed to Barbara Walters in a hastily arranged interview that he had only chosen Sen. Joseph Biden as his running mate because Sen. John McCain, his first choice, was unavailable.
"I think that except for myself," Sen. Obama told Walters, "John McCain is exactly the best possible Vice Presidential candidate I could have chosen. He's courageous, outspoken, is very, um, white, and appeals to people in small, impoverished, gun-and-God-loving towns throughout our nation where my candidacy has been underwhelming.
"To be honest," Obama said, "I'm young, relatively inexperienced, not overly knowledgable about foreign policy issues, and very careful with my public utterances. So I wanted an old, white blowhard who shoots his mouth off and is respected in small town America. I couldn't get McCain, because he's running against me. So I got the next best thing."
When pressed for specifics about the role that Sen. Biden will play in the upcoming general election, Sen. Obama explained, "Senator McCain has been polling surprisingly well, given how superior I am to him in every way. By choosing Joe Biden, I've leveled the playing field--now the Democrats have an aging, politics-as-usual, dull-as-toast, Beltway insider bloviater who's probably only a year or two behind McCain in memory loss. I think we've got the Republicans right where we want them."
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