“I would bomb Russia back to the Stone Age,” Sen. John McCain today told a hastily assembled Topeka, Kansas campaign audience of at least 15, “if they invaded Georgia while I was President. Atlanta will never burn again, and I’m just not whistling Dixie!”
McCain told startled reporters and campaign supporters that “Georgia is not just an important state in the election, it’s an important state in the Union. It’s the Capitol of the New South. It’s the town that’s too busy to hate, unless that’s Dallas, but I believe it’s Atlanta. Russia’s attack must be repulsed immediately.”
As aides rushed the podium, Sen. McCain told reporters that he was “outraged” that President Bush had not acted more quickly to respond to the crisis. “He’s off gallivanting at the Olympics,” the Senator fumed, “and we’re in the middle of what might potentially be World War III. He’s watching the Dream Team, and we’re living the nightmare.”
An aide sought unsuccessfully to whisper something in the Senator’s ear as he remarked, “The last time America was attacked on its own soil was the Civil War. And, um, that other time. What’s it called. 9/11. But I’ve met Vladimir Putin, and he’s no General Sherman. I hope I’m making myself clear.”
The campaign event came to a hurried end as the Senator’s lavaliere microphone suddenly went dead and Secret Service agents were instructed to pick the Senator up bodily and carry him offstage, to an undisclosed, secure location.
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