London To Outdo Beijing Closing Olympics Ceremony By Destroying Itself

"Everybody wants to know whether we can top what the Chinese did," London mayor Boris Johnson told a hastily assembled Beijing news conference immediately after the close of the Olympic Games. "All I can say is, wait 'til 2012. You'll have your answer then."

Johnson told reporters that at the conclusion of the 2012 Olympic Games, the entire city would be destroyed from above.

"We're going to reenact the Blitz," Johnson promised, "but this time, nothing will survive. Not just the Olympic venues will be destroyed, but the whole city. It's going to make Beijing's fireworks look like people flicking their Bics at a Rolling Stones concert."

Olympic observers wondered how London could possibly compete with the astonishing stage productions of the opening and closing ceremonies in Beijing. Total destruction of London, according to Johnson, is the answer.

"The Chinese have really left us no choice, have they?" Johnson asked rhetorically. "I mean, towers of people, people flying through the air, enough fireworks to blow up a city...and that's when I had the idea."

Johnson explained that at the extinguishing of the Olympic flame at the conclusion of the 2012 Games, mock Luftwaffe bombers carrying truly astonishing amounts of live armature.

"We're going to totally level London," Johnson said. "Yes, there will be death and loss. But after what we saw in Beijing, to tell the truth, what do we have left?"