Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, reportedly devastasted that she did not get serious consideration as a Vice Presidential candidate, told a hastily assembled Denver news conference that she was "taking my delegates and going home."
Denying published reports that she was a "sore loser" and a "big meanie," Sen. Clinton instructed her delegates to leave Denver "immediately" and "just skip the whole convention thing, because I didn't really want to be President anyway."
Sen. Clinton told reporters that "it wasn't fair" that she couldn't be President because she was "smarter and more experienced" than Sen. Obama, who probably "cheated or something" because "I'm popular" and "nobody likes him."
"The least they could have done," Sen. Clinton said of the Obama campaign, "was to come to Chappaqua and get to know Bill and me. We're really different from our public portrayal, which is that I'm stiff, inflexible, and possessed of a strong sense of entitlement, and that Bill is a self-absorbed serial womanizer who can't keep the focus off himself. We're really not like that."
Sen. Clinton said that "Obama's going to feel like he really didn't beat anybody with all my delegates out of there. And like we're all going to work for him to beat McCain. That'll happen. Come on, guys, we're out of here."
A spokesman for the Democratic Party told the Dissociated Press that Senator Clinton's delegates' seats would be filled by members of the Teachers' Union wearing their trademark Ross Dress For Less cheesy outfits, so as to approximate the appearance of Sen. Clinton's supporters.
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