Saturday, August 16, 2008

Obama Raises Record $425 Billion For Campaign in July

Presumptive Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama today announced at a hastily assembled Chicago news conference that his campaign had raised a record $425 billion in July, mostly from first-time contributors donating less than $100 each.

"We're honored by the large number of supporters," Sen. Obama told reporters. "$425 billion is a whole lot of money."

During the same campaign period, Republican presumptive Presidential candidate John McCain raised $11.35, mostly in pennies and nickels said to have been removed by the Senator's top campaign aides from Coinstar machines in Phoenix supermarkets.

Sen. Obama said that he would use no more than $3 billion with which to fund his Presidential campaign and would use the rest to retire the national debt "and buy a quality starting pitcher to assist the Cubs in their quest for a pennant."

The Obama campaign has now raised close to $800 billion and expects to go over the trillion-dollar mark "once we get to September and people start really paying attention to the election," Sen. Obama said.

The McCain campaign, which has taken in a total of well over $100 since the first of January, intends to ask foreign visitors at airports leaving the United States for their remaining U.S. coins, "since they won't be able to exchange them for currency once they leave, unless they can buy something from the inflight duty-free cart," a spokesman for Sen. McCain, wearing a pair of tattered pants and shoes that needed resoleing, told the Dissociated Press.

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