Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Republicans Plan Rival Event In Denver

With an expected 250 million Americans streaming to Denver for next week's Democratic National Convention, Republican leaders have announced the formation of a rival event to attract attention to John McCain's candidacy.

"We're planning a day of speeches, music, and giveaways to attract voters," Republican Party spokesperson Jeff MacCutcheon told reporters. "We're hoping, honestly, to steal some of Barack Obama's thunder.

The concert will feature a reunion of all living members of the Eagles, the Grateful Dead, the Beatles, the Beach Boys, U2, as well as Willie Nelson, Garth Brooks, Madonna, Alabama, the Grand Ol' Opry, and the Berlin Philharmonic Orchestra.

Speakers are expected to include the Dalai Lama, Pope Benedict XVI, Rick Warren, President George W. Bush, Nancy Reagan, Vladimir Putin of Russia, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Jay Leno, David Letterman, Tiger Woods, Roger Federer, Condolezza Rice, former President George H.W. Bush, Dr. Phil, the Siegfried and Roy guy who didn't get half-eaten by the tiger, Brett Favre, and the entire cast of the Las Vegas topless revue "Butt Naked!".

All attendees at the event, scheduled to take place at the same time as Sen. Barack Obama's acceptance speech, will receive a free GM car of their choosing, subject to availability, and all vehicles are available at this time.

Tickets are free.

"So far," MacCutcheon admitted, "we haven't had anyone requesting tickets, and we have as our venue the stadium where the Denver Broncos play. But we're expecting a big walkup crowd. I mean, fingers crossed, and stuff. I guess people really like that Obama guy. Yikes."

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