McCain Admits He Chose Palin “Because She’s Hot”

“She looks pretty conservative, when you consider her positions on everything,” Republican Presidential candidate John McCain told a hastily assembled Acapulco news conference, “but when she takes her glasses off and whips her hair out of that tight bun, man, she’s just smoking hot. And that’s when I realized I wanted her to be the next Vice President of the United States.”

McCain admitted, under close questioning, that he chose Alaska governor Sarah Palin as his Vice Presidential candidate, because “out of all the potential candidates I could have chosen, she’s the only one who doesn’t make Joe Biden look like Farrah Fawcett. Hey, am the only one who remembers Farrah Fawcett around here? And does anybody know if she’s still married to that guy Lee Majors? Wasn’t he the $6 Million Man or something?”

Reporters politely brought the news conference back to its actual purpose and inquired about the potential political liability of a young, unknown, unproven, and relatively inexperienced politician serving only “an irregular heartbeat from the Presidency.”

“It’s true that she has slightly more international experience than former President Clinton’s cat Socks,” Sen. McCain admitted, “but she appeals to two demographics I’ve struggled with—women who feel adrift now that Hillary’s out of the picture, and young guys who read Maxim and FHM and fantasize about older women. To them, she’s got experience aplenty.

“Let me explain it this way,” McCain said. “It’s two in the morning and you’re in the Situation Room in the White House and there’s some sort of international crisis going on. Or you’re on Air Force One, flying to Iraq or some other godforsaken place. Who would you rather have beside you? A smoking hot mother of five, or Mike Huckabee?”

When asked whether physical appearance was a legitimate sole reason for selecting a Vice Presidential candidate, and that most top Republicans had questioned the intelligence of his choice, Sen. McCain offered a roguish wink and replied, “Hey, it’s good to be the king!”