Bernanke Proposes Capitalism As “Last Resort”

Citing numerous strains on the economy, Fed Chair Ben Bernanke suggested that the United States may have to try capitalism, as a last resort.

“Government intervention has been as much of failure here in the U.S. as it was in the U.S.S.R.,” Bernanke testified the Senate Banking Committee early Tuesday. “Maybe we have to admit that we in the Government have no idea how to manage an economy.”

Bernanke’s suggestion that America try capitalism was met with howls of criticism and derision from Capitol Hill to the business community.

“He must be smoking something,” Connecticut Senate Chris Dodd,Chair fo the Senate Banking Committee, told reporters. “Capitalism? In the United States? I admit we’re in a downward cycle, but I think it’s a little too soon to push the panic button.”

“The business community remains deeply opposed to capitalism,” Harold McGraw, Chairman of the Business Roundtable, told the Dissociated Press. “It’s un-American. We need the government to direct, control, and manage the economy. When I think of capitalism, I think of businesses being forced to figure out for themselves how to be successful, ethical, and prudent, well, I just don’t see that happening. It just can’t happen here.”

“I understand that the idea of capitalism makes people nervous,” Bernanke said. “But the government got us into this mess, by either over-regulating or by being bought off by various business interests. If the economy doesn’t turn around with the help of the federal government, then capitalism may be unavoidable.”