French Mourning Loss of 35-Hour Work Week

The French Parliament today voted to eliminate the widely cherished 35-hour workweek and allow employers to insist on additional hours from workers.

“This is going to change French civilization as we know it,” an enraged Ernest Fromage told a hastily arranged Paris news conference. “After work, we will barely have time for our mistresses. We will come home to our wives frustrated and, how do you say it politely, unfulfilled. This will take a terrible toll on our marriages, as we will not be coming home in a relaxed frame of mind.”

Fromage warned of large numbers of ex-mistresses, unable to count on their paramours to provide for their lifestyles, entering the job market.

“Ex-mistresses all over France will be taking away men’s jobs,” Fromage predicted. “The unemployment rate will go up and men who are husbands and fathers will be no longer able to support their families.”

Fromage said that certain French industries such as short-stay hotels, providers of birth control, wine and cheese manufacturers, and companies selling women’s grooming products would also suffer.

“The repercussions will flow through the entire French economy,” Fromage declared. “You make a man work, instead of allowing him to make love to his woman, and you will see tension and upset. Soon we will be as anxious and frustrated as the Americans, and soon peaceful France will be invading other countries, just because we are, how do you say it politely, backed up, non?”