McCain Makes Entire Campaign Stop Without Saying Something Dumb

Republican Presidential candidate John McCain today made campaign history by getting through an entire stop on the campaign trail without saying the slightest stupid thing.

“We’re gratified and relieved,” campaign spokesperson Jody Trumbull told a hastily assembled Falls Church, Virginia news conference. “Our candidate, unfortunately, has a propensity to get facts wrong, names of countries confused, and other details messed up. We’d like to hope that the Senator has turned a new page in his campaign.”

Sen. McCain spoke to a gathering of 8-year-olds at a church summer camp about the importance of religion in American history. The Senator correctly identified Jesus Christ as his Lord and savior, churches as large buildings in which people pray, and God as the creator of the universe.

“He nailed the appearance,” Trumbull said. “He handled all of the children’s questions correctly. We were all very pleased.”

Sen. McCain told the children that he had served the United States as a Navy pilot, which was correct; that he currently served in the United States Senate, which was correct; and that he was currently running for President; which was also true.

The Senator’s handlers prescreened questions from the children, in order to make sure that there were no “potentially confusing” questions about Iraq, the economy, the names of European countries, how many states there are in the Union, which is the Senator’s left hand and which is the Senator’s right hand, or where babies come from.

“We believe that Senator McCain today demonstrated that he truly is fit to lead the nation,” Trumbull declared, “and that he can handle the details that the Presidency requires. We look forward to more such campaign events where he gets 100 percent of the facts absolutely straight. That’s why we call his campaign bus the Straight Talk Express.”

The McCain campaign paid a second, unexpected visit to the church camp later in the day, after it became clear that the Senator had left in a men’s room his glasses, cell phone, wallet, watch, and the nuclear codes that can plunge the nation into war at a moment’s notice.