Obama Elected President of Afghanistan

In surprise voting, the Afghanistani people today selected Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama as their new President.

“I’m honored,” an evidently surprised Sen. Obama told a hastily arranged Kabul news conference. “But the people of Afghanistan have spoken, and I accept my new responsibilities.”

Sen. Obama has been visiting Afghanistan as part of a week-long trip to burnish his foreign policy credentials for the upcoming Presidential election. His opponent, Sen. John McCain, has been viewed as more knowledgable and experienced about foreign affairs.

A spokesman for former Afghanistani President Hamid Karzai told the Dissociated Press that his countrymen were struck by Sen. Obama’s warmth and magnetism.

“He reminds me of a village chief who stands for change you can believe in,” Karzai said. “I saw him on CNN like everybody else, of course. But once I met him in person, I knew that he, not I was the right person to run this country.”

Afghanistanis of all different backgrounds and tribes have turned out by the tens of thousands wherever Sen. Obama spoke or visited. Karzai said that “My countrymen and women have renounced violence and ceased the poppy trade, after just gazing upon the Senator’s countenance. He is so boyishly handsome and well-spoken that we know he will be a good leader. Just by his very being, he is making Afghanistan a better place.”

Sen. Obama told reporters he was “deeply moved” by his reception and elevation to the Afghanistani Presidency. “Any time you visit a country and they want to make you their leader,” Sen. Obama said, “well, it just makes you feel special inside. I look forward to ruling Afghanistan firmly but fairly, with change that we all can feel good about.”

The State Department announced that Sen. Obama’s desire to run Afghanistan “would not conflict in any way” with his U.S. citizenship, and that he could run Afghanistan while simultaneously running for and winning election as the next U.S. President.

When asked for specifics about what sort of change he would bring to Afghanistan, how he would deal with the Taliban, fix the nation’s struggling economy, deal with border issues, cooperate in the war on terror, end the involvement of the U.S. military, and improve schools, highways, and hospitals in the impoverished war-torn nation, Afghanistani President Obama offered a terse “no comment.”