Bush Announces 127 Layoffs in Congress and Senate

Responding to the Federal Government's need to cope with a sluggish economy, President Bush told a hastily arranged Washington, D.C. press conference that the jobs of 85 members of Congress and 42 Senators would be eliminated.

"We've all got to do our part," the President told reporters. "The high cost of gas, combined with the housing crisis and the overall economic slowdown, are hurting all Americans. It's regrettable, but we can no longer employ the full amount of Congresspeople and Senators as in the past."

Bush cited the need for fewer new laws during an economic slowdown as the primary justification for the layoffs. "People are doing less stuff," Bush said. "They're driving less, working less, spending less. So they just don't need as much new legislation."

Bush denied that the layoffs were primarily symbolic in nature. "We think we'll save at least $14 million, between salaries, benefits, heating and air conditioning offices on Capitol Hill, and the free mailing privilege Congresspeople enjoy. Man, those dudes send an awful lot of mail."

In remarks not found in his prepared text, Bush described the firings, effective in 60 days, as "not an out-sizing or a down-sizing but a right sizing. Too many cooks spoil the soup, or whatever the expression is, and too many lawmakers make, um, too many laws."

When a reporter asked the President why all of the fired Congresspeople were Democrats with the most liberal voting records in both the House and Senate, Bush offered a terse "no comment."