Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig told a hastily assembled Yankee Stadium press conference that "Since America was so well-behaved, it could stay up an extra hour and watch the end of the All-Star Game."
Selig said that America had done its homework and its chores, taken out the garbage, walked the dog, and put away its toys. As a result, he would allow the nation to stay up a little later than usual and watch the end of the All-Star Game.
"In 2002, America was naughty," Selig reminded reporters. "America was mean to the dog and didn't eat its vegetables. Bad America. Naughty, naughty country. But this year, America behaved so nicely. So America got a special reward."
America had to brush its teeth, put on its pajamas, and say its prayers and was then allowed to watch the conclusion of the game, which ended in the traditional way, with one team winning and one team losing.
"I was watching America's behavior very carefully to see if it deserved to watch the whole All-Star Game," Selig said. "If America doesn't sit nicely in front of the TV, I'm turning the game off. I'm not joking, America. Don't give me a reason."
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