Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Israeli Jews, Christians Anoint Obama Messiah And Debate Over Whether He Has Been Here Before

Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama traveled to the Holy Land today, where millions of Jews and Christians touched the hem of his garment, were healed of various incurable ailments, in some cases returning from the dead, and anointed the Illinois Senator the Messiah.

“I understand there is a debate as to whether this is my first visit to Jerusalem or whether I was here 2,000 years ago,” Obama told a hastily assembled Old City news conference, as olive oil cascaded down his youthful brow. “I think it’s possible to understand my position as saying that I might have been, but again, I might not have been.”

Obama’s anointing as Messiah took place as Jews danced in the street and Christians openly wept over the arrival of the new Savior. In a bow to today’s troubled political and religious divisions in the Holy City of Jerusalem, Obama arrived riding an armor-plated donkey.

“I offer change that Israeli Jews and Christians alike can believe in,” Sen. Obama told reporters, as several prostitutes repented of their sins and a group of moneylenders renounced all forms of interest-bearing loans.

When asked by reporters how the new Messiah intended to usher in a new era of peace, resolve doctrinal differences between and among Christians, Jews, and Moslems, determine borders for a new Palestinian state, settle divisions among Palestinian factions, eliminate conflicts between religious groups that went back generations and even centuries, and settle disputes over the Temple Mount, the West Bank, the Golan Heights, the Gaza Strip, and the city of Jerusalem, Sen. Obama offered a terse “no comment.”

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