Obama Unanimously Elected Chancellor of Germany

Fresh from selection as President of Afghanistan and Iraq and the Messiah in the Holy Land, Democratic Presidential Candidate Barack Obama was today unanimously elected Chancellor of Germany, on a platform opposed to inflation and foreigners.

“I offer change that Germany can believe in,” Sen. Obama told a torchlit stadium rally of over 80,000 Germans. “I am surprised and honored to be elected Chancellor of your glorious nation.”

Germans, often noted for their political stoicism and conservatism, fell under the spell of Obama’s magical voice and demanded that he lead their government, despite their uncertainty about what he stood for, aside from opposition to inflation and foreigners.

“We cannot have Germans taking their money to the bank in wheelbarrows,” Obama told his rapt audience, who interrupted his talk more than 20 times with vigorous applause. “And we cannot have foreigners taking over this country. Except for me, of course.”

Sen. Obama told the audience that the terms under which Germany had surrendered in World War I were “unacceptable” and that he was prepared to lead the nation for “at least 1,000 years, or longer, if terms limits can be repealed.”

Over the course of the day, at various rallies and motorcades, Sen. Obama greeted crowds totaling more than 4 million delirious Germans. The highlight came when Sen. Obama stood at the at Brandenburg Gate in Berlin and declared, “Ich bin eine verandem,” which translates roughly as “I am a changer.”

[Meanwhile, in other campaign news, the Republican Presidential candidate, John McCain, spoke to a crowd of 11 people at a packed campaign phone booth in Manchester, New Hampshire.]

After the stadium rally, when reporters asked Chancellor Obama how he would reduce the threat of terrorism on the European continent, balance German concerns about guest workers, stabilize the German economy, eradicate poverty, and bring residents of what was formerly East Germany into economic parity with the rest of the nation, the Chancellor offered a terse “No comment.”